a few of my favorites

[aponi]

I write at least one new poem every day.... one might be Bukowski-esque and the next screams Plath! Then i'll churn out one that sounds eerily like a Dylan song! :P But these have been my favorites over the last few months I'd love feedback since I am currently trying to transcribe my endless piles of poems into something legible that resembles a manuscript!

I'm only posting a few, some are very short, and some are VERY long.
But I have thousands to choose from, so if you like them I'll be happy to post more!

#1 [entitled: "x"]
we are the generation that starves
that cuts, that lies... steals, cheats, and hides
we are every generation- just louder
latitudes and longitudes screaming for their rights
we are thin insignifcant lines of fury afire
only satisfied with ourselves when we flatline
we are sardines packed to the gills
each with our own flapping fin of peace of mind

#2 [entitled: "spider"]
half the sky is cloudy and half of it is blue.
all day the crows sing my illusory ideas of you.
you're still in that morning closed-curtained dark,
spiders build their webs and satiate my hunger in their arms.


you tick the time off through ash and tainted thought
i lick the taste from your embrace that leaves me so distraught
i kick and stir, i'm tangled and blue
and the wind rustles the scent of me
to you

you grind your teeth, ready to chew

your prey
is
caught

#3 [entitled: "refuge in wretching"]
refuge, refuge, i summon thee.
to whom can i lay slain my tangible tragedies?
with wild wind and pattering feet,
down the hall, past the parlour, to the kitchen in defeat.
such nocturnal sorrow and porcelain revery
down the drain goes the panic and i am free
no, not for a minute, before it begins again
eternal preoccupation, for a few moment's win
to feed, stuff, release, what has once been
and to further this withering of my soul from within

#4 [entitled: "the world is flat"]

an anachronism lady of war, an absolute lunatic now and before, with bells in her hair and titles galore, spin your tongues - label your whores, from clipped wings a battle may soar, and scream silent cries they hear no more, what once was a fight became a chore, we 'pick up pieces' and call it a war
but i
refuse to belong to society

in a world made of vinegar, of twisted couture showroom granduer, you grab at this and that choice unsure, and while you spend for all your cures, on cardboard pizza boxes that allure, litter that claims to be someone's saviour, and while your hospital beds may seem secure,
you'll find
that our earth's still slowly dying.

believe it or not the soul's got to wait, on morsels of lessons no one should have to taste, and witness those drowning in your wake, in slow motion as the bricks break, your mind's never been more awake, when it's tempted with sin and snakes, critics can complain for another take
chances are you
only blame you.

falling off the blunt end of the earth, you watch melted walls and destinies at birth. and question not 'for what it's worth', but choose to remain cloaked in dirt, babble on about the absurd, pray you are thin enough to be heard
'cause twenty years from now
someone might listen.

with hands that are too quick to gag, 'worry not about what others have', words of wisdom better written on their backs, as they turn from you from moral attacks, as if shouting what you lack, will somehow claim your health back, still their mouth's dripping with flack, paparrazis with tabloid-worth kodaks, who's dealing more, who's got the fattest sack, who's whack
they don't tell you
monotony can kill you.

microphones begging for answers replied, marked only with the backlash of a sigh, humble poets who, too, look to the sky, still wondering where their god is and why, looking up with bloodshot eyes, all they see is billboard must-haves to buy, but when you reach in your pocket you'll cry
because like in your
heart, there is a hole too.

taste the bait- you'll feel the wrath, mothers-to-be doing the math, wouldn't it be easy to float under the bath? not wanting what some might never have, but the choice IS hers to take or pass, isn't there beauty in what makes some so mad? religion and government aren't to cross paths, caged us, our generation of giraffes, to stand above look back and finally laugh, sometimes it makes the world seem so flat
because you're closer to 'Him'
than their pews can ever bring them.


[part deux]

Hello world it’s been a while, Catch them wearing shades and plastic smiles
With carts full of entire aisles, while some starve walking a barefoot mile
What’s the saying about denial, how it’s not that river out there called the Nile?
I beg to differ as I’m sure they do, we made it to India without a clue
Without our golds and our silk sheets, there is no compassion in defeat,
there is no apology in apathy, don’t pinpoint me dark aged centuries
misery has been handed out for eternities, blaming disease on other’s boundaries
Creating frenzies over beauties, making musicals about orphaned boy chimney sweeps,
Like toxins headed to the kidneys, we still haven’t completed the journey
we're still convinced there's a Hades, heading on sunday in our khakis
as if a power cares about your laundry, seems like rabis and preists have a lot in common with nazis.

[BeautyQueen]

Hey Aponi (is this really your name??)

I loved your poems. Nice lyrics and your emotional and sensational words are speaking for you.. They are telling how you feel about all happening to the world now a day
but you are lucky, you can express your feelings somehow.
ALl were good but my favorite one was # 2 (spider)
wat an imagination you have used.. speechless
and i am waiting for your new posts

[aponi]

My real name is Holly, but a lot of people call me Aponi. You can pick! I have so many nicknames I respond to practically anything.

I'm glad you like them. That one was about an old flame... He was a chain-smoking, airbrush/tattoo artist and we used to lay in bed for hours with a bottle of wine and do each others dreadlocks in the nude. That's possibly too much information, but I don't care. It was a wonderfully chaotic relationship. I always seem to love the crazy ones.

Anywho...... Hm.... Poem of ze day......

[this is about said man above too... entitled "my dear"]

missing you, my dear, is such elegant misery
like the sound of pouring wine.
you are candle lit paths of mystery,
and fingers intertwined in mine.
you're the rush from a touch without warning,
the feel of sun on winter-stung faces,
my grip of our bedpost in the morning
because only you know my skin and all the right places...

your breath upon my my neck,
the grin you wear as i'm looking down
brings such sweet splendor i've never met,
brings a feeling to my spine like i've never found...
the steam on a bathroom mirror,
the scent of smoke and paint on these sheets
reminds me this moment just brought us nearer
i've never felt such tangible heat.
damn the thoughts or worries to weigh,
and to the wind goes when, where, who, or how
your rushed breath has more to say
and i can see that forever begins right now.

oh, to be the something beneath your chin,
to claim that shoulder, that hand as mine,
puts all those failed lovers to shame,
because you're what i always intended to find.
missing you, my dear, is a feeling that is fleeting
knowing that what we have found shall last longer
nothing is sweeter than each new greeting
for absence can only make two grow stronger


....and this one I wrote a long time ago but I needed to hear it today, maybe it will brighten someone's day too. [entitled: "the silver lining"]

worry not what others may think, say or do!
to yourself and your power always stay true.
weed out those who don't deserve your company and shared breath
and only then shall your garden be beautiful and flourish.

fret not what those turned ears may think,
for those who stand closer are the only ties that matter in life's fragmented links.
too long you have waited to clean the ink from this page.
where one too many have acted quickly upon bouts of rage

so douse your torches, lay down your slain!
there are many more days from which this came
the raindrops and tyranny can only last for so long
float above the flood, where your sunshine is warm and never far gone.

[aponi]

I've been known to
drink listerine
at times of absolute
desperation.


I wish I had more morals and
didn't collapse
at the thought of my futile self-attacks
and my
failed dreams
surrendering to the seduction
of food, sex, drugs or jim bean.



I thought it was easy,
knowing what I have seen
to keep standing on my feet
since they can no longer hurt me


But who's to stop me from hurting me?
When the lock's on the inside of the door?
And I'm not going anywhere,
I say through the cracks
glancing at the mirror where my morals laid to rest,
to never come back.



I'm losing myself deeper within myself.

A black hole.


Hunger
and rubble.



And another
stranger's stubble.

[aponi]

"in the bottle's bed"

we fell in love because we were drunk
we made plans because we had none
i swear, the sheets were always messed up
i swear, the morning stories were once fun


i let my voice choke in my throat
when i saw your white flag go up in smoke
we've exhausted the notion of hope
another blue pill goes up the nose


we watched the punches thrown
we reaped what we had sewn
i still hear you from months ago
its midnight, you cover up my moan


we watched time go
we watched our dreams slow
we watched time slow
we watched our dreams go


in the bottle's bed,
we did what it said


[Not all my poems are "rhymey," some are more raw messages that just happen to rhyme occasionally :P]

"You don't love me: A message to a friend"

I look at the world through the fire in my heart,
but the smoke from that fire can paralyze
[and kill you]

Don't love me because i'm this mysterious, illusory idea behind some barely translucent veil
I am a messed up, unappealing broad,
although some say that's just my opinion,
but you're standing in the shoes I've been in.
[so you tell me]

Don't look at the world through a stain glass window,
you'll make saints outta homeless men
[and their problems
began where you are now]