Long Distance Relationships... For or Against?

[LadyWillow]

They are not for me. If you can make it work, then great. I've seen way too many LDR's fail because they people that were in them, just weren't into them as much as they claimed to be. And the farther away you are, the harder it is. There are a lot of things to think about when it comes to LDR's.

[dragenfly]

Originally Posted by DragonHeart

I have a question for you Dragenfly. Are you currently in a LDR? You seem to agree and disagree?

I have an answer! I do agree and disagree lol. There are a lot if things to consider. Thinking LDR's are impossible based on your own personal experience I disagree with. Because no two people are the same. (I'm avoiding the question huh). Some days I most def am. Somedays it's just beginings so it's hard to know much oh anything. In general though I don't have issues with them. I agree with those who have said it builds a strong relationship. It makes for a very strong foundation of friendship as well as an emotional level I know I never reach in other relationships. It's easy to get wrapped up in the physical and not pay enough attention to the emotional and intellectual needs. IMO anyhow... As with all my relationships. Trust communication raw truth and attention. Rinse n repeat!

[WindWeaver]

I think it really depends on the people involved honestly... One of the hardest things we have to do sometimes is be honest about ourselves... and I think it takes a great deal of honesty with yourself to know if you are capable of that kind of committment...

I think two independant and secure people can engage quite successfully in a long distance relationship... Of course, if there is no potential end to the long distance aspect of the relationship then what's the point of being in one?

For some, the need for regular physical contact (and I'm not just talking about 'the special hug') is something that one really needs to have, then a ldr is definitely not for them.

I have been in one that was successful... and one that was not... Two very different people. One was secure in the knowledge we would be together eventually and the other let the slightest thing trigger their insecurities... So it really depends on the people involved.

[dragenfly]

Qft

Originally Posted by windweaver

i think it really depends on the people involved honestly... One of the hardest things we have to do sometimes is be honest about ourselves... And i think it takes a great deal of honesty with yourself to know if you are capable of that kind of committment...

I think two independant and secure people can engage quite successfully in a long distance relationship... Of course, if there is no potential end to the long distance aspect of the relationship then what's the point of being in one?

For some, the need for regular physical contact (and i'm not just talking about 'the special hug') is something that one really needs to have, then a ldr is definitely not for them.

I have been in one that was successful... And one that was not... Two very different people. One was secure in the knowledge we would be together eventually and the other let the slightest thing trigger their insecurities... So it really depends on the people involved.

[Chaos Hawk]

Originally Posted by dragenfly

I have an answer! I do agree and disagree lol. There are a lot if things to consider. Thinking LDR's are impossible based on your own personal experience I disagree with. Because no two people are the same. (I'm avoiding the question huh). Some days I most def am. Somedays it's just beginings so it's hard to know much oh anything. In general though I don't have issues with them. I agree with those who have said it builds a strong relationship. It makes for a very strong foundation of friendship as well as an emotional level I know I never reach in other relationships. It's easy to get wrapped up in the physical and not pay enough attention to the emotional and intellectual needs. IMO anyhow... As with all my relationships. Trust communication raw truth and attention. Rinse n repeat!

that's still avoiding the question

[dragenfly]

Roflmao!!!

[sarabethv]

Depends.

I mean, I have seen some very successful military families (was in one for years as my Dad was career). There was always adjustment periods both coming and going. It takes commitment, faith and just plain hard work ......oh and did I mention trust? From a kid's eye view his coming backs were the hardest because Mom had been the head of household and I suspect it wasn't easy to slip back into a different role.

I've also seen those separations destroy families.

I know a young lady who started a long distance relationship. She met him online, thought she was being cautious and smart by taking it slow, meeting several times, talking on phone etc. However, when he started talking about moving in together and they did, things did not go well. It is easy to pretend to something when you are not together every day, not so much when their toothbrush is on your sink.

I also know couples who met online and went on to have wonderful relationships.

[RoseKitten]

Originally Posted by sarabethv

Depends.

I mean, I have seen some very successful military families (was in one for years as my Dad was career). There was always adjustment periods both coming and going. It takes commitment, faith and just plain hard work ......oh and did I mention trust? From a kid's eye view his coming backs were the hardest because Mom had been the head of household and I suspect it wasn't easy to slip back into a different role.

I've also seen those separations destroy families.

This is what my fiance is concerned about. I grew up in a military family, my mother was in the Air Force, and was gone a lot. I guess I'm lucky that my dad can give me some advice, but the hardest part of me is that I just moved down here recently, and don't have many things to do beyond spend time with my fiance. He's gone for a month right now for training, so I guess we'll see how it goes. O.o

[Twinkle]

I've seen some LDR's work quite well. The ones that seem successful are actually the ones that took a very long time (sometimes years) to reach the point where they lived together.

I think something to consider with an LDR is that the people come together too soon, when they really didn't know each other all that well, yet.

People lie. They lie whether they are 15 minutes away or 1500 miles away. Everyone puts on their best face at first, even on the phone.

It literally takes years to truly know someone, and for some people, the physicality of the relationship is secondary to the emotional and intellectual connection. Some people need the physicality and will wait it out to see if there is truly an emotional and intellectual connection. Some people need the emotional and intellectual connection without confusing the issue with physicality.

It just depends on what a person can deal with, and what they can't.

[Tanya]

met my husband on line and lived on the other side of the world for 2 years before we got married.

It took... 7 years for us to put aside all the bullshit and really get to know each other.. it is so easy at a distance to be your best self.. finding out later when you have a kid that niether of you are is EXTREMELY NOT the best time to be wroking out things like.. "Wow... she really DOES have stong connections to her friends, I thought that was cute, now I'm threatened....."

or
"wow.. I thought it was cool that he was rich...but I didn't know that meant he thought it was someone else's job to clean his toilet...."